IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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