my vag is so smooth its legendary
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize