did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
