I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
