there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize