I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
