just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
