Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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