omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
