My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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