I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
