Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This house was built for laser tag.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
