but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm too high and old for this...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
