she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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