She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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