Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I supernannyed him into submission
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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