i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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