I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
