I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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