i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
