dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
