i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize