I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
