so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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