I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
