Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
