come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
