It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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