sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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