a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
