I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
