if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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