I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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