im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize