But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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