.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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