sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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