Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
