i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
