It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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