yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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