It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Even my vagina gasped.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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