May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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