When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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