I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
and you fell through a lawn chair
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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