I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
