I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
