Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
