Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
