I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
