do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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