He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
