Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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