I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
