hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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