my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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