I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
