life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude i'm inner monologue high
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize