You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
