Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize