i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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