i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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