C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize