My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
