You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
