Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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