They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
