take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
