my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
