I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
nutella sex= disaster
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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